finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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