There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
