Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize