everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
