she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
