I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
