He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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