she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
