Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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