She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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