All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
