if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
