Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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