I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
