I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
