She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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