So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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