meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
