Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
