i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I forget how to act sober
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