Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
