WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
