New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
