The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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