I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
