I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
