I think I died a long time ago.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
