There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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