He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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