I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize