She went from zero to smokin in five shots
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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