Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
