i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
