I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize