I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
