i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
