So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
