We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
