so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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