ugly people sure do ruin things
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Rumble strips road head = magical
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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