no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
