Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
