yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
