I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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