Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
