Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
