I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My vagina just clenched in fear
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
