I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we made out on top of his cat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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