he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
