So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
