It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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