Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
