I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
