I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
