Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
