She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
