Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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