I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
