I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
