I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
