I think I died a long time ago.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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