I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
