Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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