I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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