so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
