I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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