Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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