I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
