I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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