Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ketchup is God's man juice
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
