I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
