just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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